I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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