she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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