Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
