You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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