so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
