I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
