so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
