I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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