Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
