Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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