i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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