Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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