i was born a porn star she said
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
