i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
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I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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