He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
