I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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