now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
