This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
