last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
