Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
