OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
