my sisters under your porch take her home
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
