Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
