Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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