the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
