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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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