And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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