don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want is dick and wine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
