I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
