even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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