Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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