im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
