But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You work out of a Hotel?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
