Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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