By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
