Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
