how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
