dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
