I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
