So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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