You made me cry and you don't even care
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
