I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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