I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
