My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
