How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
