p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
