I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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