He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
