matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
