Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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