Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
