Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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