Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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