it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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