You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
