So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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