I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
