??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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