At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
