dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
