Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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