I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize