You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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