If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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