No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
