mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
