is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
