Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
