There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
