I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
