I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
