I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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