Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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