Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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