He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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