Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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