does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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